Reflections

Excerpt Two

“The transition was almost too much for me. The blaring light from the morning sun, coming from my window on the right side of my bed was blinding but I welcomed it. Then my alarm went off from my phone. It did its vibrating dance on my nightstand as I grabbed for it to turn it off. Just in time to rise and get ready for work. With the sunlight dancing from my light curtains, I had no choice but to talk myself into having a good day since the sun was out to play. No sooner had I resigned myself to having a positive outlook on the new day, my phone vibrated on the nightstand, the noise was soft as it moved across the top. The phone lit up with the name ‘Mitch’. I quickly picked it up and swiped right to answer it. “Hello.” My voice held an edge of raspiness from the sleep.
“Good morning! Did I wake you up?” he greeted, sounding concerned. I was hoping he was genuine. Being that he used to be one of my closest friends, and also my ex, I safely assumed it had to be genuine.
I yawned. “No, I woke up before my alarm went off, so you’re good. Why are you calling me so early?”
“Well, I just wanted to call you and say hi.” His voice held a smile. I could hear it.
“Oh, well this is very kind of you, thank you. And good morning to you as well.” I was pleasantly surprised, rubbing the side of my neck to loosen it up.
I had known Mitch since I was 14 and he was 15. I was a love sick puppy for him from the age of 18 until about 22, then he decided to cheat on me. Interesting how things worked out like that. He chased me for years and the moment I gave in to his advances, he couldn’t handle it. Sure, he asked for another chance after the mistake had been made but I knew I couldn’t trust him from that moment on. We were miserable about it for a while but enough time had passed that we were both in good places. Had relationships outside of one another so time did, in a way, heal the old wound. So much so that I was able to maintain a real friendship with him. We had moments where there would be flirtatious acts, skirting with the idea of being together again but it was always short-lived. It never went past the talking stage, and I was fine with that. I didn’t feel like playing games with him anymore and he wasn’t ready for what I wanted. Even now, with us being 29 and 30, he still couldn’t quite figure it out. I wasn’t going to help him with that either, that was something he had to do on his own.
“It would be nice to get some breakfast with you before you went to work but, I’m already on my way to the office myself so, maybe we can do dinner tonight, what do you say?”
I had forgotten that we were suppose to do breakfast. He had only just asked yesterday and I agreed. I felt somewhat like a schmuck for forgetting so quickly like I did.
“I’m so sorry, I totally forgot, dinner sounds nice. I think I was supposed to get drinks with Sandy after work so let’s play it by ear, okay?”
He sighed, and it sounded like disappointment. “Alright, that’s cool. Let me know. I’m going to go now but hit me up later, yeah?”
“Okay, and I’m sorry again, Mitch. I’ll text you later.”
“It’s alright, I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye.” I pressed the end icon and talked myself into getting up. It was 7:38am, which meant I had about an hour to take a shower, make me something to eat (or get something on the way to work), and hurry off to work in time to be there a few minutes early. Luckily I pack my lunch at night so I was happy on that front. I had a moment of remembering the dream and how weird it was. All that darkness, the eery noise, and the heavy breathing. I didn’t like dreams like that. I wasn’t afraid, but I was uncomfortable. As it were, I couldn’t sit in bed and dwell on it, I needed to get a move on.
As soon as I got out of the shower, I threw on my favorite band shirt (this selection just happened to be Pink Floyd; cliche), some black skinny jeans, and my black and white converse sneakers. I didn’t need to dress fancy for my job.
I worked as a fantasy liaison. More or less a phone sex operator but I was no longer just a worker bee, I was the operation manager. Moving up in rank helped a lot! I no longer had to worry about clients and things of that nature, I could just worry about the other girls and boys. I made sure the day to day was carried out efficiently, making sure the employees got their breaks, that nothing illegal was going down, and that the systems remained up and running. Even in the sex industry, you have to remain professional. I did that very well.
I had enough time to brush my hair, and with the tiny curls that I had it took a long time to wrangle it in. I was growing out my natural hair and the curl pattern was very tight but it didn’t bother me much until it came time to try and put it in a ponytail or Bantu knots. Any natural woman would tell you it was literally a pain in the neck, wrists, and fingers, to get it styled just right for the twist out to come out as close to perfect as possible. If I had the time, it took my time. But this morning, I only had a certain amount of time to lend. So ponytail it was.
Having done that and made breakfast, I was ready to face the day.
I left my gray furred cat, Mr. Chow but most days just Chow, in the living room to his own devices. He was a happy cat for the most part, but he didn’t feel like being bothered this morning and that was fine by me. I departed and felt like I was missing something but didn’t have time to stop and think about what it could be.
Traffic wasn’t too thick as I made my way towards the downtown area from Normal Heights, taking the street way down Park Boulevard to try and avoid as much of the traffic on the freeway as possible. It was nearly impossible to avoid any traffic, what with transplants moving in, but today proved to be an anomaly. It was extremely surprising because it normally was hell. I thanked God for small miracles. I was glad that I had envisioned myself having a great day and was hoping it would stay that way. We were about to find out if that was going to remain true.
I parked my car in the open spaced parking lot off to the right of the high-rise that held our business firmly tucked into a whole floor off of sixth and G. We were working on either another building, but bigger, to house all the workers or purchasing an extra floor from the property owners. So far, neither of these things were taking place. It wasn’t from lack of funds, that wasn’t it at all, it was simply procrastination and time. Things like that took time, our manager told me. Time and money. I didn’t care what happened, I didn’t plan on staying with the company for long if I could muster my way out before anything else happened.
All these thoughts were going through my mind as I took the leisurely stroll to the building door.
When I got in the elevator, I was trying to make sure to remind myself to smile. I had a habit of not smiling a lot and it made people feel “uncomfortable”, namely my co-worker Ana. I didn’t really care if it unnerved her that I didn’t smile all the time (“A lady should always appear happy, even if she’s having a bad day!”), it was the fact that my boss was fucking her and he was actually someone I cared about, as friends. So I humored him and smiled every time I walked into the door, like now. It made me unhappy to have to do it but it was a small price to pay for him to have some sort of happiness. For his girlfriend’s sake.
I saw him as I walked through the first few cubicles from his corner office. Our eyes met, he nodded his approval. I just arched my eyebrow, feeling my smile starting to waver a bit. I played the part for all of a second until I saw Ana. Unfortunately…she was only a foot or two away from my office door thanks to someone saying I needed a “friend”.
“Good morning, Kaela!!!” she sing-songed with her high nasally-toned voice. I let her use my shortened name even though she wasn’t my friend and I didn’t see her being a friend in the near future, or far future for that matter.
Her blonde hair was pulled back in a simple pony-tail, her brown eyes glittering with so much warmth and happiness that her face was glowing, cheeks rosy against a porcelain skin. She waved a well-manicured hand and I caught a glimpse of something sparkling awfully bright. She was wearing a powder blue cardigan and a plain crew-neck white t-shirt and that allowed my eyes to be all for that sparkle. All that simplicity against this massive glittery shine.
I made my way over to her desk and lo and behold, she was the proud owner of a brand new engagement ring. I tried to keep the surprised look off of my face as best as I could but it reached my eyes before I could stop it. “Wow…congratulations! D did a great job!” I said as I held her left hand in my right, staring down at the monstrosity of a ring. It was huge! As far as diamonds, D probably spent at least more than a month’s salary on it, maybe two months. White gold. Diamond cushioning diamonds. It was almost disgusting.
I looked back at D watching from his office with a broad smile on his face. He was happy that I was shocked. Oh well. I smiled at Ana and then excused myself to walk over to D.
He was pretty handsome as far as handsome faces went. Dark, thick wavy hair, deep green eyes, square jaw with a bit of stubble developing, dimpled chin, his bottom lip was sensuous and full, top lip not really the same but I didn’t care because I wasn’t dating him. He was wearing his most casual best as well: black band tee (Ramones, I silently judged him for it), dark blue denim, and black and white high-top Converse Chucks. It was strangely coincidental that we were both almost wearing the same exact outfit. But he was wearing the Rolex his dad passed down to him and it was a very nice piece; a little uber high-end meets somewhat low-end, “affordable”. His tanned olive skin was all due to some good old Greek blood.
I put out my hand for him to shake. “You bastard, how could you not tell me? I thought we were friends!” I said to him through smiling clenched teeth.
“I wanted it to be quiet for a while. That’s all.” He let go of my hand and wrapped me up in a gingerly hug. He even pat my back. I returned the hug.
I stepped back from the hug and my smile melted. “This is insane.”
“Which is precisely why I didn’t tell you that I was thinking of popping the question.” He started walking to his office. I took that as a signal to follow so I did. I didn’t close the door however because I didn’t want Ana to come to the door and be all weird about it.
“If I had told you, you would’ve tried to talk me out of it and I didn’t want anyone trying to tell me what to do.” He said as he sat in his chair.
I gaped my mouth, playing offended. “I would never!”
He laughed. “You would too! My parents were pretty overjoyed. I outdid myself with the ring, right? That thing is a beast!”
“You can say that again! I don’t like it but then again, I don’t want a ring that big.” I said, sitting down in the chair in front of his desk while he sat across from me in his chair behind his desk, playfully smug look on his face.
He looked at me across from the desk and the light he had faded around the edges. “I know you don’t. How’s the loverboy?”
I sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it right now. Maybe later when you’re not all glowing from this new development!”
He smiled, his lips kind of glistening from his chapstick use. “My new ‘development’ is suppose to be a discrete development, so we can talk about your love life in great detail since I have nothing exciting to talk about. I’m prying on purpose.”
I swiftly gathered myself and stood up in a rush. “No thanks. We got work to do anyway, that’s why I’m here, isn’t it? Come in, do my job, clock my hours, then leave. We can do the personal stuff on our own time, remember?” I tried for a sweet smile but it probably failed seeing as how I did not enjoy talking about my love life, or lack thereof. No need to discuss such trivial matters.
D gave me the raised arms, the sign of surrender. “You’re right. No need to talk about that. Very inappropriate of me. I apologize, Kaela.” He stood as well. “I apologize but are you not going to tell me because of our little past?”
I was waiting for him to bring that up, to tease me about it.
We almost had a relationship. And I do mean almost. I had to nip it in the bud before it got too intense. We had a few dates and found that we got on really well, but the fact that his parents probably wouldn’t approve of their successful and handsome son being with someone who wasn’t of the fairer skin tribe didn’t sit well with me. As much as he and I enjoyed one another’s time as a couple, I decided to let him know if it wasn’t dating with a purpose, then we couldn’t continue. He didn’t like it, he didn’t have to like it because I wasn’t comfortable with his parents’ views and he didn’t appear to be the type to go against mommy and daddy. He understood and it just so happened we ended up working together. So fun! I was just glad that we had ended on amicable terms and it wasn’t a nasty end to it all.
I just breathed out a little harder than was necessary, almost annoyed. I decided to shake off the memory.
“Nope, that’s not it at all, and we’re way past that anyway,” I made it a point to look out of his door to where his fresh fiancee was sitting. I couldn’t see her but I did it for effect. He got the idea, of that I was sure. “I just don’t have much of anything to talk about in that area of my life. If I did, I’d have no issue sharing that with you but not in the office, you know that.”
He nodded. “Okay. Well…we have some things to go over, as far as work is concerned. Some numbers to look at. I’ll let you get into your office, get your things together. Then we can meet in the conference room in about, let’s say 45 minutes, an hour maybe?”
“Yes,” I agreed. “I’ll shoot for 45 minutes but I’m probably counting on an hour. I need to check my emails anyway, maybe do a call-back or two if it’s that type of morning.” Thinking of the emails was really making me tense up. I started realizing what kind of day it might be. “I’m hoping for just a call or two. I have to send over some emails to IT, my computer has been acting a little lagged. I need someone to either come out and check it out or lead me through it via phone. I’ll send you a call or message, keep you in the loop. Did we ever hear back from corporate?”
D turned on his computer monitor. It was fairly new so you couldn’t hear the hush of it stirring to life. “I did not actually. You should probably ask Morissa or Andy about that. They were handling that whole thing, I’m not even sure what’s going on.”
“Well, if you are truly my superior, then you’d have known that we are going through some major changes,” I teased D a bit, it warranted me a snarky look which I answered with a smile. “Apparently, we’re getting a new CEO. No one knows who he is, where he’s from, or even if ol’ boy has social media. Which is actually very odd seeing as how almost everyone has some sort of online presence. They’re keeping this all very under wraps, kind of like someone I know who just got engaged on the low.”
D rolled his eyes and said,”Rub it all the way in now, get it all out of your system so you don’t accidentally blurt it out while we’re in the meeting please.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it. Not my business to blurt out. I promise,” I gave him my word. “But it doesn’t mean anything to you that they’re not telling us who they’re replacing Scooter with? I mean, I know Scooter isn’t as young and succulent as you or I, but he wasn’t senile. Yet.”
“Not my concern. My only concern is keeping my end of the business up and running and making sure my team is strong. And bringing in numbers better than the year before, that’s really all I care about,” D slapped his keyboard.
I put my hand on my hip and almost said something smart but thought better of it. I really needed to get a move on with my tasks. I felt like I was already behind. It made the bottom of my neck ache. “I’ll talk to you later. Congratulations again. I won’t speak of your little secret anymore.”
“It’s not a secret really, don’t say it like that. Just…I don’t need this ruining her chances here. I really just don’t want anyone judging her anymore than they already do,” D said with sincerity.
He really did love her. For a second I was doubting that and questioned his getting engaged-wondering if he did it to please his folks because he was almost 40 or if he really was having these feelings for this girl. I should’ve said woman but I couldn’t. Ana was younger than him, younger than myself. She was still in college for Pete’s sake, but she managed to steal his heart in as little as 8 months. And that was why I was questioning his getting engaged so soon. I shouldn’t have been but it was there, in the back of my mind. But, none of my business.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say all of that. But I’m going now. See you at the meeting,” I backed out of his office and hurriedly walked two doors down to my office door, and by Ana’s cubicle. I didn’t want to look at her but I had no choice because she was right there. I gave her a quick upturn of the lips that could pass for a smile, then opened my door as swiftly as I could without looking like I was trying to get away from her. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her, it was that something about her didn’t jive well with me. Her energy didn’t sync with my own. And there was nothing wrong with that, I just chose to stay away from anyone who I felt didn’t mix well with my aura. It sounded weird saying it like that but that was the best way I could explain it. It still sounded bitchy but it was the truth.
As soon as I got inside of my office, I shut my door and gave myself a moment to appreciate my view. It was downtown San Diego, and it was so heavily congested with high rises that my view was literally me looking into another building’s window. What a morning it was already, and it wasn’t even 10 yet. Not even close.”

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Awaken

Excerpt One:

“Off in the distance, I swore I could hear bells chiming. I was surrounded by the absence of all color: muted darkness. It smelled damp in this dark space and I knew if I were to try and touch my face, I’d probably poke out an eye. I just did my best to keep my hands outstretched in front of me, to feel for something. Anything. But all I kept getting was air. The air, however, felt so warm, almost tangible, like I could hold the warmth in my hands. I knew that couldn’t be right. I still crept forward in all this bleakness with still the sound of the bell going off. I could hear myself breathing and it was normal. I could hear my heartbeat in the back of my throat. I wasn’t afraid, or so I was trying to convince myself. The sound of the bells didn’t seem to get any closer or farther. It stayed the same. I tried to turn to my right. Nothing. I turned to my left. Nothing still. Everything was as is. For some reason I was unable to speak. I hadn’t tried because I knew it wouldn’t really do anything. It wouldn’t mean anything for me to hear my own voice anyway. I was aware that I needed to pay attention to my surroundings. Even in my dreams (if that’s what this was) I knew better than to give myself away or to immediately panic, but this was almost like a welcomed ease. It was strange. So strange.
Then there, a faint creak. Like a rickety door opening in this…room? I wasn’t sure where I was but all I knew was there was an exit and an entrance and I had to keep my wits about me to find it. And just as soon as I heard the noise, I heard a breathing that wasn’t my own. I tried to keep myself still and to hone in on that breathing. It was calm, like my own. I had to try and keep my ears open for this second person, or at least what I hoped was a second person. I couldn’t tell at that moment but I was praying hard that it was a human. The breathing got louder and louder until it was the only noise to fill my ears. It was so deafeningly loud. I almost wanted to just cover my ears and crouch into a fetal position but I knew it wouldn’t help me. Then a soft touch on my shoulder and I wanted to jump out of my skin, it was so unexpected. A heart attack would have been a welcomed death at that moment. Then I heard a faint buzzing, and it grew to a low growl. I felt the hairs on my arms begin to rise as the sound became louder, like it was right in front of my face.
Almost as soon as the sound became more, I woke up in my plush bed.”

Revelations

It’s been a rollercoaster ride. I feel like I’m still getting my barings and I’m a mother of one rambuctious little kid, I should have more in my life figured out. The main things are figured out, I should say, it’s the minute details that are a bit more difficult.

I’m in the process of creating a short novel (?) and it’s been taking me nearly two years. I’m getting to the tail end of it, and so far it’s going swimmingly. So far. I have been reading it over and over, revising or just plain deleting, making additions, cutting, you name it I was doing it. Even with all this going on, I’m actually going to have to acknowledge that I should be proud of myself for getting it together. For being able to get this thing past a certain number of pages. I haven’t had the great fortune of sharing it with any of my friends, but I have shared it with my close ones; who I know will read it and be honest about it.

Soon I will actually be posting excerpts from said literary work (if I can call it that right now), so that I can have more eyes on it, get some feedback from readers and writers who can help me add to or take away from what I already have. Happy writing!

Do We Have A Purpose?

screen-shot-2014-06-21-at-11.34.56-am.pngI have to step back for a moment and really think about it.

I have to ask myself do I have a purpose? What could it possibly be? Is it something that will just come to me or do I have to go out there and actually find what it is I should be doing?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure we all have something we love doing, the one thing that you could see yourself doing forever, but what if you’re someone who is good at a lot of things? How can you pick just one thing to focus on? That’s where my problem lies.

I’m really great at communicating (I get nervous of course, but I know how to stop, take a breath, and continue on even when I experience a bit of “word-vomit”), I’m personable, I’m completely relatable, and I know how to connect with people on a personal level. I also am a creative person, that’s how I get excited about a lot of subjects. Anything that I feel is a creative outlet, I’m there. I am also into reading and writing (sounds incredibly cliched but it’s very true; I have a mountain of books and I have a story that I’m currently doing as well), heavily! I try to find new ways to express myself when it comes to writing. Hence why I do try to blog. Where I am somewhat of an extrovert, I do have my introvert moments. I like to stay behind sometimes, and I think that’s what’s keeping me from being even more out there. That’s hurting me but I don’t change it. Maybe I should?

This brings me to purpose and why it is I’m having a bit of a “time” with it. I know what I’m great at, then what I’m good at, and what I’m bad at. I try to focus on my strengths more than anything, but I also understand that I can’t do many things at once (or can I? See? That’s my problem!). I know I have to focus on one thing that I know I can do exceedingly well. The issue I’m having is can I turn that into something I can monetize so that I’m not a miserable Betty. Another thing is quantifying that and putting it into action someway, somehow. Then there is the over-saturation with the main thing I know I love, because now, everyone thinks they’re a guru and knows what they’re doing and talking about.

As of late, however, I have recently decided instead of continuously thinking about it, and talking about it, I should just put action behind it. I’ve been incredibly inspired by getting more into a few social media outlets that have connected me to a whole new source of strength; a renewed vision of what I want. I’m not saying I may have found my purpose, but I’m excited about something and I haven’t been in long time. It still ties into the main thing I really wanted to partake in, but I want to attack it in a different way, and get people really interested in it. The fact that I’m elated about it let’s me know I may be on the right path to finding what it is I want to do for the rest of my life.

NeverEnding Story

Life has been taking some very interesting twists and turns as of late, and ever since I’ve taken space away from my blogs.

I’ve moved (twice), I’ve resigned myself to finishing school (and gaining my Bachelors in BA), and have lost two jobs (due to no fault of the employees’ own). So to say that I’m feeling a little uninspired is not saying much at all.

The ride has been mildly entertaining, although I have definitely been going through a full range of emotions, from sad to angry and depressed to cheerfully optimistic. The only constant that has been a true pillar for me is my son, and that’s probably more than enough, because I can’t ever let myself really fall apart around him, no mater what. I wouldn’t dare let myself get down enough to let him feel the energy around that would affect him in a negative way. I always want him to be happy and to smile, no matter what I’m going through internally. The confusion, however, is slowly taking over.

I am trying to get away from the familiar but a lot pulls me back into the field I know so well. As much as I want to stray and put my energy into something else, something more fulfilling, I am holding myself back. It’s a sad case, but one I am battling all of the time. I’ve been trying to keep going, to keep myself busy and distracted with other work for other people, but it always comes back to what do I want. That’s the question I am continuously asking myself. I am serious need of some real evaluation. I think that would really make me feel more inspired. The industry I love, I feel, is falling down little by little. If I want to continue on this path, I will have to take some risks, and create my own path if I’m going to stick around.

I know one thing for certain, I am going to make sure I always leave room for this outlet.

More Moves, Less Announcements

I’ve done a lot of reflecting, mainly while on the trolley on my way to work, and it has dawned on me that every time I have planned something, or let everyone know what I’m working on ahead of time, it never panned on. I don’t know if that’s silly superstition on my part, or the universe moving those plans around because I get so excited that I have to spread the news as far and wide as possible. At any rate, I said to myself, ‘Self, we need to just DO it, and not talk about it.’ Be about it. Makes more sense of course, but it’s always easier said than done.

I have a number of things I want to do. I am definitely holding myself accountable, even if I talked them up. A lot of things I see for myself I know are achievable I just need to actually get through it all. I know I’m not the only one feeling this way. I’ve also noticed that my procrastination level has gone down significantly and I’ve realized why that is, and it’s because all of the goals I have set happen to be quite significant to my life and development. So that has helped me majorly in making sure I can stick to what I said I would do. Most of the goals are personal, however, they are crucial to building the life I really want for myself and my son. Speaking of my son, he is making incredible strides as far as wanting to learn. He’s still being a brat in school every now and then, but when he’s determined to learn something, he is all in. I wish I could have that same commitment. He’s already showing signs of the “perfection disease” (of course it’s not a real disease). He wants whatever he is doing to be perfect and when he’s learning a new letter, he wants to do it over and over again until it looks very similar to the one on the card. I am incredibly proud of him in that regard. I think I can learn a thing or two from him about that. He may be a huge inspiration for me when it comes to staying committed to a project or goal.

I’ve been noticing my feelings towards fashion has changed. I still love it, I just notice that I’m loving the behind the scenes aspect more and more. Reading about what inspired designers (namely Alexander McQueen and his inspo for editorials) really makes me feel like just about anything can get the creative juices flowing. I love designers who works are considered art. I can fully respect that more than anything. I also am noticing a lot of fashion stylists are branching out into a lot of different areas of fashion, making it more of a lifestyle rather than just styling and wardrobe. That gives me immense hope because being able to do more than just style someone is important. You’re not limited to just one facet. I am excited about the future of fashion and if there isn’t one, I know I can create one. Right now, I am going to continue to focus on learning even more about the industry and what I want to gain from it all.  Until then, I’m keeping quiet on all of that until I know it’s real!

Morning Sun (Son)

I’m up! I’m so use to be up early now because that’s just how my schedule during my work days work for me. And having this little guy makes my body jolt awake early as well. Even if I have a day off from my job, my duties as a mother still prevail through the day! So I must arise! Good morning *insert smiley face*.

So, my trip to L.A. was actually not so bad. I decided to do a lot of walking that day because I hadn’t explored much of anywhere since I’ve been there. I decided that day was the day to do so. I was slightly wrong. That day was horrible. It was extremely hot outside, the hottest day of the week! Maybe even the month. But once I was done attending the open house for the Academy of Art University, I was very happy and in high spirits. I really liked everything that I heard and although they didn’t have an alumni for their Fashion Journalism program to show up (I guess she didn’t feel like coming or she was too booked to do so), I still met up with someone who had some online experience with the school. He was an online instructor for AAU and also alumnus of the school. He gave me some insight on realistic expectations to have for online classes and advice on how to attack your classes but seeing as how I was firmly interested in a different program (he taught an actual art class), he couldn’t really give me too much insight. But I appreciated what he was able to tell me, and I absorbed that information. I carried it with me throughout the day. On my way back to Chinatown (Union Station was in that area), I had made my decision that I would definitely apply for that school. I would do all sorts of grants to have money for school; hopefully win some grant money. I was elated, so much so, that I walked around Chinatown for a little bit. I thought it would make me fall in love with L.A. and it did not. I had wished I hadn’t. I broke a toe nail! I can laugh about it though because I had normal shoes on (actually, had my platform quilted leather canvas shoes that I adore) and it broke! Mayhap from all the walking I had done. I didn’t care at the time but I kind of care now because I need to clip it and it’s shorter than I like. But those are tiny things to concern myself with. Next time, I just want to go to WeHo. So much more nicer and fun!

Fashion week has come and gone and I hadn’t done any reviews because I was so enveloped in my own personal world. I have to come to a decision on whether I deem fashion a center stage or a side performer. I’ve been happy with the way things are going in my life, everything has been working in my favor, and I didn’t want to deviate from anything I was currently doing. Fashion hasn’t excited me this past week because I felt like everything was doing a bit of a reoccurring theme. Style is doing its own thing. I feel a little misguided right now. I really have to take a step back for a moment and really do some more research on my own. That’s how I’ve been feeling-just focus on the more prominent houses who have made the most impact on the fashion world. I need to study, start from the beginning to let my appreciation grow again. I feel so ignorant. I need knowledge in my life! So that’s what I aim to do, gain some more knowledge and then work my way from there. I’m 29, I have time, I hope! I have so much I want to accomplish and I’m giving myself deadlines. Some of those things involve money so I really have to give myself time. Next month is going to be a busy month for me but I’m excited!

Tiny trip to La La Land!

I’m on the train as I type this on my way to the city of Lost Angels. I’ve always wanted to ride the train to L.A., especially on my birthdays, but I never got the chance to actually do so. I even took the time to paint my nails over while I’m here because the chipping was getting on my nerves! I don’t understand how I go to the nail salon and it stays on for a while but when I do it, CHIP! It’s practically off the next day! So ridiculous but I’m going off on a tangent now!

The purpose of this trip is to go to an open house for a school I’m seriously interested in, of course. I wouldn’t pay almost $100 to go to L.A. for nothing! If I had a car, I’d just drive there but, not yet! It’s coming (just like winter in GoT) though, so I’m not too concerned. But, this is better in a way because traffic is avoided! L.A. traffic is NO JOKE! Aside from this frivolous jabber, I’m very excited and nervous to attend this open house. I have to make a decision once I’m there, once I ask my questions and get a feel for the alumni (whom I hope will be there). I’ll have to decide whether to put in the application or continue with my search, or just stay the community college course. Nothing wrong with community college, I just know that I want what I want now, and I don’t want anything to stop me from receiving it. I want to continue to better myself even if I decide not to apply. But here I am, off on this excursion to whet my curiosity. Wish me luck that I: A) don’t get lost and B) don’t lose anything!!!

Don't look at the pimple!
Don’t look at the pimple!

Forged Ahead

This week has been moving very fast! I’m trying to do this from my phone, that’s how fast everything is moving about! Running errands with my sibling is very taxing because it’s my day off to actually take a moment and sit, reflect, and with on this but nooooo, someone can’t stand to be alone on her own errands!
I’m finally making plans that matter, scheduling things that need attention (some more immediate than others like good ol’ bills, never can forget those), and moving in the right direction, I feel. So much is falling into place perfectly. My short trip to LA is coming up in a few days and I’m pretty excited about it, as it pertains to future endeavors. I’m really all about self-improvement and elevation. Education is key to a wide spectrum of careers. Doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to get the exact job you want, but at least having something to fall back on can’t hurt to have in your arsenal. A career in fashion is where I would love to be and I’m not going to give up on it.
After the passing of someone I knew from school, I have really decided to just push the pedal to the metal and take care of everything I need to do. No more procrastination, no more room for errors (not as many as before, I’m sure you know what I mean), and definitely a time for evaluations. Have to make this a short one. I’m very excited!

Transitional Moments

Finally, I am back! The move last week nearly did me in, no lie! I was sore the entire two days after moving since my sister was on doctor’s orders not to lift anything that was of heavy load. Unfortunately that meant a lot of things. I was pretty much left to my own devices on the moving and had to enlist the help of a really great friend and her toddler daughter. It really went well then the momentum slowed once we had to move the bed and the couch. Again, I tried to get some assistance from another friend I knew forever but he kind of was already inebriated by 2 in the afternoon (about the time I had asked him) so he said he’d come at 4. Needless to say, 4 came and went and he didn’t respond to my texts or calls. I had to do something. Our landlord(s) wanted us out before daylight was wasted. I really did try my best to make sure I had given everything its time but I think I failed miserably because I had to hire a guy and he didn’t come until about 7. So the sun was already down, and not only that, it was raining on and off (more on than off and heavy too). By the time we got everything moved in to the new place, we had to go back to the old place, make sure the dressers were out of both rooms (one given to the guy who helped and the other was already broken so to the trash that went), and all rooms were as clean as possible. Didn’t get done with the cleaning until 10 o’ clock at night. It was so sad. When I was able to sit down (I hadn’t eaten at all that day, just ran on Gatorade and maybe some pieces of pizza from the night before), my body definitely began to throb from everything that I just endured. My sister, lucky her, didn’t feel a damn thing.

Besides the move, I do have other things in my life that I wanted to have accomplished. School. I have been engaged in conversations with my sister about my desire to complete that one portion of my life. I felt like if I gained more formal knowledge of my passion then I’d be able to do a better job in not just the business I do love, but in my blogs as well. I didn’t know it was a real thing, a job in fashion journalism. I always figured you start off in journalism and maybe start leaning towards a fashion publication once you’ve spent years in a different field-or so it seemed. I’ve read so many things that showed me that a lot of the big names in fashion never really started out IN fashion, they always started off doing something completely different. Some even went to school for science, but in a way, fashion can be a science in itself. It takes a great creative mind to be able to pull together some amazing looks. Or to be able to create/design pieces that are so extraordinary that they become a classic or a standard. I decided I want to be a part of that scene. I may be interested in fashion, but I also love words, but I feel like words are now escaping me. In short term, I feel stupid! I use to be like a thesaurus but now the words I’ve obtained over the years in education have been loosed and I don’t know where they went; that plus pregnancy brain will do you in as well, I really do feel like the child growing inside of you not only takes your food, but your strength, your smarts, and your looks!

I’ve already done research on schools and I’m heavily interested in one school in particular. The price tag is…yikes! but I’m willing to go to their open house, ask a ton of questions, proceed to weigh pros and cons (the price is a huge con for me), then make a decision when I’m at the open house whether I want to apply or look elsewhere. I know I can always go to college closer, but this school sounds phenomenal and more aligned with what I want to do. It’s accredited and relevant to the industry I want to be in. I’m really hoping to be able to attend in the fall, when my son will be attending transitional kindergarten (because he missed getting into actual kindergarten by a day; his birthday is a day after the cut off date) so we both can be learning at the same time, so he can have a reason to look up to me in more ways than one. Me just being his mother isn’t good enough for me anymore. I want to be his mother and an inspiration to him. Plus, I want something I can actually use in life! A degree just sitting pretty on my wall will do nothing more than remind me that I chose something no one really cares about. Or maybe I’m just being very cynical. Either way, I’m going back to school!! I’m excited to embark on another journey in education. This time, it’s going to stick because I’m very excited. Yes…I’m a nerd. Just a little.